Kathleen Ethel "Kay" (Carscallen) Gowland (1908-2003)

Today, we’re taking time out from the life of Hulda May (Culbert) Carscallen to remember her daughter, Kay (Carscallen) Gowland who was born on this day, 110 days years ago.

Note: Photos courtesy of Pat Rowell & Wendy Boole unless otherwise credited.

            EULOGY FOR KAY GOWLAND

Written by her daughters, Pat Rowell and Wendy Boole, and presented at Kay’s funeral by their husbands, Terry Rowell and Charles Boole.

Kay was born July 21, 1908 in Chengtu, Sichuan province West China – the daughter of Hulda May and Charles Carscallen, Methodist missionaries. She was the second born of four children, Charles being her older brother and Alice and Helen her younger sisters.

Kay Gowland (right) with her brother, Charles Jr., and her mother, Hulda May (Culbert) Carscallen in China, c1909. Photo courtesy of Betty (Carscallen) Marmura.

Kay remained with her family, mainly in China, until the age of 12, when they all came back to Canada on furlough[1] in 1920. Her parents along with Alice and Helen then returned to China until 1926.

Kay attended Alma Ladies College in St. Thomas, Ontario where she excelled at her studies and received numerous awards and prizes for her accomplishments. She was much loved and admired by her fellow students.

Alma College. Kay is in the middle row, second from left.

 

Alma College.

Summers and holidays were spent (along with her brother Charles) with the Carscallen family in Dresden and the Culbert family in Lucan. This must, at times, have been lonely for a young girl away from her parents and sisters – but she never complained. As we all know, complaining was not her style.

An interest in China and all things Chinese remained with her throughout her life. A multi-course Chinese dinner prepared for their friends became a much anticipated yearly event in the Gowland household. For the rest of her life, she always considered a Chinese meal to be a wonderful treat. Much to her great enjoyment Kay returned to China twice, in 1979 and 1984.

Kay (left) with her brother, Charlie and sister, Alice Griffiths at the Great Wall of China, 1984.

Upon high school graduation Kay attended Victoria College, University of Toronto and received a degree in Social Work. She moved to Kingston and worked for many years at what is now the Kingston Psychiatric Hospital as a Social Worker supervising out patients. This meant travelling the countryside for home visits, often taking her as far as Renfrew County. It was during this time that she met Howard and they were married March 2, 1940.

Howard Gowland & Kay Carscallen's wedding at the Ontario Ladies' College in Whitby, Ontario on March 2nd, 1940.

Wedding announcement in the 6 March 1940 edition of the Whitby Gazette & Chronicle newspaper. Kay's father, Reverend Dr. Charles Rupert Carscallen officiated, assisted by Howard's brother, Reverend Arthur Gowland.

Guests at Kay & Howard's wedding. Published in the 6 March 1940 edition of the Whitby Gazette & Chronicle.

Shortly after, Howard joined the army Dental Corps and was posted to Ottawa and then Nova Scotia. Kay joined him at both these locations. After he was sent overseas, she lived with her parents in Whitby where her father was principal of Ontario Ladies College. Their daughter, Pat was born in 1942 during this time.

When Howard returned they settled in Kingston and their daughter, Wendy was born in 1946. Throughout their life together they lived at 98 Macdonnell Street, Kingston; a place always open to family and friends where every Sunday there was a standing rib roast to share, and fresh baked squares for Wendy and Pat to snack on with their friends after school.

The Gowland residence at 98 Macdonnell Street in Kingston, Ontario.

Kay was very devoted to her family, but always spent many hours as a volunteer with Sunnyside Children’s Centre, the Kingston Medical Wives Society and various church groups. She is also well remembered as an excellent bridge player – this being a great source of enjoyment for her. The house on Macdonnell always contained wonderful floral bouquets arranged with flowers from Howard’s famous garden. She won many prizes every year at the Kingston Horticultural Society annual show. Being married to an avid gardener also meant that she did a lot of preserving and pickle making, and the fruit cellar was always full to the brim.

Kay and Howard Gowland, 40th wedding anniversary, 1980.

After Howard died in 1982, Kay stayed on in her Macdonnell Street home until 1989 when she moved to her condo at the Landmark.

Kay Gowland's 80th birthday, 1988. Daughters Pat Rowell (left) and Wendy Boole (right).

During this time her grandson Jeff lived with her while he attended Queens University. Eventually, because of failing health, she had to take emergency placement at a nursing home in Kingston and after several months, in November 1998, she moved to Starwood in Ottawa to be close to Wendy and family.

Her grandson Michael, in a tribute he wrote for her 90^th birthday, highlighted the fact that she was a woman much ahead of her time in many ways. For instance, she was a pioneer in the world of recycling. He said to her, “I wonder how many people know that you have always been an active environmentalist with your now famous ‘waste-not-want-not’ saying!!”

Kay Gowland.

Kay will be remembered by all who knew her, for her kind and generous nature. She always put others before herself. Kay, always the care giver and helper, presented a calm demeanour and a quiet sense of humour.

Her daughters, Pat and Wendy remember her as a loving and devoted mother with the patience of Job. They wonder how she ever put up with their squabbling of which there was a lot. They knew they’d finally crossed the line when one day she said, “If you girls don’t stop this fighting you will drive me to the Ontario Hospital!” But such a display of displeasure seldom happened.

As a tribute to this remarkable lady, Pat is now going to read a poem.

"The poem I am going to read is very special to Wendy and I. It was given to our mother, by her mother [Hulda May (Culbert) Carscallen], on the occasion of Kay’s 13^th birthday. It truly epitomizes who mom was her whole life."

              My Somebody

Here’s to somebody staunch and true

Who’s always around when there’s work to do.

Who keeps a supply of love and cheer

For all the folks for all the year.

Who knows that a gentle loving smile

Is the best of tonics for all the while.

That there’s nothing so bad that it can’t be worse

A case of blues is a terrible curse;

So here’s to somebody staunch and true

Of course you don’t know,

But that somebody’s you!

Kay with her mother, Hulda May (Culbert) Carscallen.

Footnotes:  
[1] A furlough is a leave of absence.

Kay (Carscallen) Gowland's family tree:  

Ancestors: 

John Culbert & Mary Ward (great-grandparents)

Richard Culbert & Jane Fairhall (grandparents)

Hulda May Culbert & Reverend Charles Rupert Carscallen (parents)

Descendants: (children)

Patricia Jane (Gowland) Rowell

Wendy Kathleen (Gowland) Boole